Daily Archives: November 18, 2001

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?
Why Does My Soul Feel So Bad?
Current mood: annoyed
Current music: Moby – Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

OK, I swear that I will not mix Midori and Fruitopia again. I always get gassy after drinking it.
Just finish watching some Evangelionof KTEH. I still am not sure of the whole story behind this anime, party cause I’ve watched it in bits and pieces; partly cause it has a very confusing storyline. But it’s nowhere near as confusing as Lainwas. Still, I should be back from Seattle in time to catch the last episodes on TV next Sunday.
**burp** Trying to expell all of the gas that is inside me. OMG Cowboy Bebop Box Set. I think that I have found my Xmas gift to myself if nobody else gets it for me.
Well, I have all the light on in the room, trying to brighten the gloom that is my room. I’ve taken an extra vitamin and an extra St. John Wort even though that they won’t instantly help my mood. **sigh** No go though.
Hmm the room is already starting to get a little messy. Maybe some cleaning will help me cheer up. Or and if this mysterious IM would come back online. WHo the hell is “Nalfeshne” I really need to clean my buddy lists.
I wish I could stab myself and let the gas flow out of my body.
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What I should have done was join the military. I would be told what to do; a higher percentage that I could die; and I would lose weight and get in shape. All of my problems solved.
I wonder if I could still join?
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I realize that if I stopped thinking for myself and just let someone tell me what to do, my life would probably be a lot better. I mean, I seem to always be wrong and can’t do anything right. Screw the fact that I have a 151 IQ
I also realize that I am caught between life and death. I don’t have the guts to kill myself; but then I also don’t have the desire to live out my life. So I’m caught in a vortex of sorts.
And since I can’t get anybody to kill me or to live my life for me, there is only one thing for me to do; nothing.
Eventually the key in my back will wind down and the puppet will move no more
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Ended up going to Subway and Baskin Robbins. **sigh** so much for healthy eating.
Actually, it shouldn’t be too bad since usually I just have one meal a day. All right, I had two meals today, not one.
Sounds logical to me, that if you only have one sorta healthy meal, then it’s all good, but I’m sure that I’m gaining mountains of pounds somehow.
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Nap bad. Good, bud bad.
**sigh** So all I have in the house to eat is bread and PB&J. Think it is time to clean myself up and scrounge for food. MMMMM! Krispy Kreme sounds good and fattening. Actually what sounds good is a Pita from Wendys, but they don’t have them anymore. Chinese or Japanese food also sounds good, but haven’t been able to find a restaurant or a take out that I like.
**yawm** Think I will pop some more pills and will decide on what to eat on my way to the ATM.
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I knew there was something that I forgot to mention to her….
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A new GabbyMoe Gossip Gazette. Life is finally returning to normal…
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Had a thought of staying up late enough to go down Hwy 1 between Pacifica and Half Moon Bay to go see the meteor shower if it wasn’t too foggy. Afterwards or maybe before hit Krispy Kreme for some doughnuts. Anyway, that plan lasted all of 5min before I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning to the sounds of Matt making love to his woman, Usually I am either indifferent or annoyed when I hear them doing it. There was one time that Justin and I were out in the living room watching South Park (I believe it was the shit episode) and they were just going at it. We stayed long enough to finish the episode before we fled into our room.
Anyway, I sat in bed and listened to them and it was just the most beautiful sound I’ve heard. Afterwards, listening to them take a shower, chatting away about everything, something just broke inside of me and I started crying. It was like I was witness to something special. Or maybe it just brought back memories that I haven’t had in a short while. Maybe I just need to cut back on the estrogen shots.
**sigh** Anyway, the one good thing about sleeping last night that I dreamt the last part of my paper, so I will be spending the day finishing that project up (This is the 8-10 pg paper that’s way overdue, not the 15-20 that I’ve barely started.)
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Current music: BT – Running Down The Way Up