Slowly inhailing candy in order

Slowly inhailing candy in order to get myself motivated and out of my depression. Think I’m making myself sick instead.
Well now that I have no money and no car left, time to get a letter from financial aide to remind me of all the money that I will have to pay back. Yay!
Just got a call from Saturn with list of stuff that I need to get:
Proof of income
Proof of Residence
Proof of Insurance
6 references.
Blah…Do I even know 6 people? Let’s see, I guess I can use Suzanne, Dan, Barry, Amber, Mew, and Shawn . Maybe not Mew, she works for Providian, but not sure how her credit info is. Maybe I’ll use Lesa and her mom.
Candy is def. making me sick. πŸ˜›
I should just go with my plans to be a homeless person in S.F. Go get my cardboard box home set up, make my sign and go panhandling. I really don’t know why I am even alive. I don’t feel like it. The whole “no ambition” theory again. But why am I here; what is keeping me on this mortal realm. It’s not my friends or my work, or school. Unfortunately, it is not even my family or Suzanne keeping me here. O.K. maybe they are helping to keep me alive, but only by a very thin thread.
While I am musing away at the secrets of life, I have a 5pg paper that is still not done yet. I need to clean up this work and get working on it. But I really have no motivation for it or for even breathing.
I wish that I was a druggie. Then I could escape this reality. But my mind’s so fucked up, I don’t really need to the drugs to zone off into my own world. Sounds like a good idea.
Current mood:
Current music: