Well, I do think that

Well, I do think that Serraph and I are moving too fast. Hmm, more like we are getting more comfortable….O. K. I think that I am getting more comfortable. Well, after this date on Tuesday, I wont see her for a bit cause of school.
I guess the thing is, is this just another cycle or am I ready. I am still too wary of myself, I guess.
But it feels so good, I mean it is mind-blasting great when I am with her. So why do I want to torture myself and push her away. Why don’t I just fall for the moment and commit to her and just go with the flow…
Cause I and still not sure about myself. Will I just run away in a couple of months. I have hurt her enough and I don’t want to hurt her….
I feel like I need to do some kind of penance. To her family (esp. her mother) her friends, and to her. And I know that I don’t have too, I mean she has forgiven me. That in itself is such a concept to me, one who has embarrassed revenge like a warm coat over the year. God the trail of vengeful acts that I have left in my wake is deep indeed.
And so she forgives me, no penance, no punishment, no Hail Mary’s, no quest for the Holy Grail. I mean Henry IV (or is it the VIII) had to crawl around on his knees has punishment against the Pope.
I guess the thing is that she thinks that I’m worthy, when will I see that I’m worthy…
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