Daily Archives: February 4, 2001


OK, well tuesday night, I went up to see her and she was caught off guard. But she went out with me to Fresh Choice for dinner and to Wal-Mart to buy some shower curtains. We also stopped over at April’s to drop off the DVD I had for her, but April was asleep.
The first hour/1.5 was pretty blah; just catching up and stuff. She was being kinda guarded, which I didn’t blame her. But once we got to WalMart, we both loosened up a bit and it was just like old times. After that we went back to her house and talked. I was really hard for me to do, but I opened myself to her about all of my concerns and fears and my hopes and stuff.
The thing with Serraph is that she loves me. She loves me for the man that I am; and for the man that I could be. She sees in me stuff that I don’t even see in myself. But I think the most amazing thing is that she loves my unconditionally. I think that is the most exciting and the fucking scariest think about the whole situation.
Then there is me. I haven’t been the greatest person in the world. I’ve looked back at some of the stuff that I have done, and I’m not happy. I want to change my life, and for the better. And it’s because of her. I want to change for her; she makes me want to be a better person.
So we are back together again? No. We are not back together. Although I did give her a kiss; **sigh** a kiss, a kiss, a kiss. What it too much too soon, maybe. But did it feel right; it felt so very right. So after the kiss, I went home. Part of me wanted to take her with me, part of her wanted to come. But I didn’t and she stayed.
So what is going to happen. I have no idea. I do have a date with her for valentine’s day. And She came over Friday to bring back my ATM/Check card. She saw the new apartment and we went shopping at Target and at Albertsons. And she stayed late, but she didn’t spend the night.
I don’t know what is going to happen. On the one hand, I am happy and estatic that I am just talking to her and being able to talk to her again. But then I am also afraid, afraid that somehow I am going to screw up and ruin every thing. I don’t know; I have alot to prove to her friends and to her family. I also have to prove to myself that I can be healthy and stroung enough to be in a relationship with her. There is alot for me to do still even before we can be back together, but I think that this time I can do it. With her behind me, I can do anything.
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School and my classes

Elem Aikido – Another martial arts class with an instructor that can’t speak English. Ok., he can speak English, but it is really rough, it’s so hard to understand him sometimes. He is a new instructor also, which has me worried. And we just went into the moves, without any stretching or any lessons on falling. It’s a good thing that I took a Judo class, otherwise I would be hurting. I think that I should have took Adv. Tai-Chi, but I think that I am going to stick with it. My partner is this little thing named morriene. She is smaller than I am, but she makes these cool sound effects when we are practicing our moves, so I like practicing with her.
US History: WWI to WWII This isn’t a bad class; it’s a mix of a regular class and an internet class. On the instructor’s web site, he has video’s, pictures, and music/sounds that correspond with what we are studying in class. In addition, there is an Internet paper that we have to do, in addition to the 4 other papers that we have to do. Yuck. I need to get back into the paper writing mood. The longer I go without internet access, the harder this stuff is going to be. It is such a bitch to get a computer in the labs. First paper is due on Feb 20th.
The Reformation – another history class. The problem with these two history classes is that they are back to back and they are 1.5 hrs each. So if I skip lunch, I am fighting hunger for three hours. If I do have lunch, and a big one at that, then I am trying to keep myself awake for three hrs.
Anyway, the teacher for this class is really knowledgeable, but she sometimes wanders. It is a heavy reading class and the books are on the church in Europe; not the most interesting thing that I like to read. But I need to get the books. There are three papers due in the class, but they are only 5-7; not too bad.
Beijing – the bio of a city: This is my thursday night class. Has usual, it is taught by a grad student getting their Masters or Ph.D. So they know little to nothing about teaching. But Since I’ve taken ALL the classes on China, I’m not too worried about it. The cool thing is that the first six weeks of the reader is online, and she is going to see if she can get the library to put the whole reader online. That would be cool, if noting else, I can print the whole thing out cheaper than is would cost to buy it.
The biggest problem that I have right now is that I don’t have the books and I have to come to the library to read them at the reserve library. That’s proably a good think since I have nothing to distract me there.
Well, I need to do good this year if I want to get out after next fall. I really need a “A” to get me off of probation. Actually, I think I need to see a councelor, since I have make up some of the classes that I bombed a couple of semsters ago. I need to find out about changing the grades in those. That should help raise my GPA
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The apartment….

I still don’t have a roommate to share my double room with. SWEET!!! So what I did was push the two beds together to make a big bed. It feels so good to be in a big bed again. I can sleep 2-3 people in my bed comfortably now. I need to rearange the room, but other than that, that room is all mine. If my roommate comes later, he will just have to sleep onthe couch or something.
I finally got somemore stuff for the place. I finally got shower curtains. They are the same pattern has my blanket, except the blanket is green and the shower curtain is blue. I also got some food. I went with Suzanne/Serraph to Albertson’s; Usually I goto Safeway, but we had Taco Bell before and Albertsons was closer. I bought $150 worth of groceries. Usually, I’m around $100. It was crazy and we spent 1.5-2 hrs shopping. And we did it all wrong too; we started in the frozen section and worked our way to the fruit/vegetables. I’ve never shopped at Albertsons (this Albertson’s anyway) and so that’s why it was so backwards. Thank got that Matt, my roommate, has a meal plan with the Dining Center. So I can use some of his space for my food.
I still have so much stuff to do in the apartment. I need to clean the bathroom and the kitchen. And the TV situation need to be solved; the fact that we don’t have one. I eventually want to buy a Sony Wega TV, but for now, I think that I will chip in with Matt and just get something. If we both chip in $100, we can get a 20′ or something. And I think he said that he would pay me back before he leaves. Except that I have no money…
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My lack of money….

It’s not that I don’t have money. I actually have two major checks comming to me. It’s about getting the checks to me that is the problem.
The first check is my financial aid check. I have been waiting for that check for a long time. I need that to buy my book; I also need it for rent for the summer if I don’t move out. And I was thinking about using some of it to buy a new computer for myself. Well, the thing is that I got charged double rent. Before in the fall semster, I was living in alternative housing, since the oncampus apts. weren’t done. But now I moved into the new apartment’s but somebody thought that I was still in the old apartments. So they charged me for both, My financial aid can’t cover both, so I still own the new place $1500 for rent for the semester.
So I call the old housing office and they say that it’s my fault because I didn’t notify them that I was moving out in time. The reason I didn’t notify them is because I didn’t get the letter that they sent to me until the date that it was due (dec 15) because it was postmarked dec 13. Yes, the brilliant geniuses in the housing dept waited 2 days before the letter was due to mail it.
Well, I’ve been told that they would mail a check to me. But so far, noo check. And so I have no books for class, not money in my savings for this summer, and def. no new computer.
The second check is my income tax returns. I bought Quicken cause I am determine to budget myself and to get my finances straight. Part of the deal was that you could get a rebate if you bought TurboTax. So I did and last week I got my W2 and decided to do my taxes.
I’m not quite sure how, but according to TurboTax, I’m due $942. The computer is always right, so I’m not going to question it. The thing is that I had to send it in online to the IRS to conform it before they would direct deposit the money into my account. But since I can’t dial in or anything, I can’t check it or anything. SO I have $942 floating around somewhere in cyberspace.
Well, tommorow, I am going to goto the cashier office and explain my situation and see if they will let me deposit money into my account. If they do, then I can hopefully get my income tax return going and then use that money for my textbooks.
**sigh** Why me…
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The lack of internet…

I have not internet connection; neither a high speed or a dial up. The network for the apartment that I live in was suppose to be up on Thursday. Well, they weren’t. I went in to the IT office and some dumb guy was trying to make an excuse about it. I guess some people had access, but most didn’t. He was no help to me, so I figured that I would come back the next day and talk to the head guy in the IT dept., cause I had talked to him before and he seemed to know what he was doing.
The next day, there is a sign on the IT dept. saying that the IT dept. is closed until further notice. WTF!!! I don’t know what happened, but for the moment, I don’t have high speed access.
As for the dial-up, the thing with that is that I could dial into the school’s servers; that is what i’ve been doing the last two weeks that I’ve been here waiting for the network to be ready. The thing is that I used up all of my phone time.
With the phone system here, you get a phone number and a PIN number. You put money on you phone number and use the PIN number to dial out. The rates are ok, the the PIN number is huge. But I have a Microsoft Phone, and I just set the phone up to dial the PIN for me, otherwise I would forget.
Anyway, the thing is that I ran out of phone time and I need to deposit more money into it. So i’ve been waiting for payday so I could do that. But then, I left my ATM/Check Card in Serraph/Suzanne’s car (I’ll get to that later.) and so I couldn’t do anything. Well, I finally get my card and I goto the computer lab to make a deposit online, but I can’t. It seems like I owe the school $1500 for rent; which leads into the next topic
Current mood: cold
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Oh yeah, they have a

Oh yeah, they have a cam here at the lab. I’m the blur that is to the bottom left of the screen.
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Alot of stuff going on…..

God, it’s been almost a good week since I’ve really updated. And so much stuff has been going on with me in all the departments of my life. Hmmm, I guess I’ll just jump in and make posts for whatever is in my head..
Current mood: sick
Current music: People typing in the 24hr computer lab