Daily Archives: January 29, 2001

Well, I’m surprised to be

Well, I’m surprised to be updating today. I thought that it would be much busier today and that I would be running around trying to get deliveries done. But actually, it was a mellow day. The bookstore was packed when I went to make deliveries, but I’ve seen it worse. I actually helped a customer find their book; haven’t done that in a long time.
I also got alot of stuff done. All the order were done and I cleared my desk. Well, there are a couple of things left on it, but I’m waiting on other people to put stuff online for me.
Actually, I think its all catching up to me cause I can start to feel my body start to ache. A hot shower will feel so good tonight.
No roommate as of last night. WHOOHOO!!!! I think that I am going to just take over the whole room and make it mine. Aw yeah. I’m going to have to make a shopping list of stuff I need to fill it up. I think that I want to find a double mattress and then push the two twin beds together and make a huge ass bed. To sleep on a bed bigger than myself. It’ll be a dream come true.
I’m planning all of this stuff, but I know that they’ll eventually find somebody to stick with me. **Sigh** I guess I can dream.
Well, I get paid tonight at 8pm (I love Direct Deposit) So I can get some gas and go grocery shopping. I am so sick of pasta and bread. I want meat. Saturday, I’m taking Barry and Gabi out to Cattleman’s for some steak. Oh, you know that it’s going to be good.
Checked the balance for the phone and I have no money left. So no online for me until I pump some money back into it. If they wouldn’t have messed up my financial aid, then this wouldn’t be happening. Hopefully ir will get to my old place sometime this week so I can buy my books.
God, I am so not ready for tommorow. Actually, my schedule isn’t too bad. I have Aikido in the morning and then two history classes in the afternoon. Thursday night is when I have my night class 6-9pm. Blah.
I am so afraid for tommorow night. I don’t know whats going to happen. I already feel like I’m going to mess things up even more than they are now. But then I am worried about suzanne; Amber took the call and she said that she sounded really weak. So I hope that she is o.k. But then, I am kinda anxoius to see her; it’s only been less than a month, but I miss her and I want to see her again, if nothing else, to get a fresh picture of her in my mind. God, there is a song by Third Eye Blind; something about a drive-by….
It’s almost 6, so I better get outta here. It is starting to get cold in here. Maybe I’ll be able to update inbetween classes.
Current mood: hopeful
Current music: the sound of the printing shop next door at the warehouse

I guess i need to

I guess i need to make two stops tommorow night.
I’ll try to be over before 9 to pick up whatever you have for me so that you don’t have to mail it.
Current mood:
Current music:

I have forgotten how to

I have forgotten how to trust. I really don’t trust anybody. At work, I always try to do stuff by myself, even though it wold be easier if I had help with it. I just don’t trust anybody else to help me, so I go and usually end up dropping something anyway. And the only thing that I have been committed to is to myself. And even then, barely.
It’s all good to spout and to rant about what’s wrong with me. It’s fixing the problems that I need to be working on. But I don’t know where to even start at. It seems so big, can I even do it.
And yet, in my mind all I can think of is that I have to do it and I have to do it by myself; because no one will understand and I can’t trust anybody to help me.
Current mood: sad
Current music: Fiona Apple – Pale September

From The Book Of The Angelica….

I guess it had to come to this eventually. I was asking far too much. I wanted trust from someone who had not trusted so long that he had forgotten how…I wanted love from a man who had been hurt and rejected by the people who ought to cherish and protected him the most…And I wanted commitment from the guy who just couldn’t Part of me wants to hug you and tell you it’s not your fault. Part of me wants to tell you it is and its about time you did something about it. All of me wants to be in your arms again loving you as best as I know how.
Current mood:
Current music: