Daily Archives: January 19, 2001

The highlight of this day

The highlight of this day so far has to be the flat that I got in the van an hour before it was time for me to go home. The thing is that there was a flat on Thursday that we just fixed and then this. It was scary though on how fast I changed the tire by myself. It took Peter, Tim, and I forever to get the first flat changed…
Anyway, it was just Amber and I today; Tim asked for the day off to take care of some business and Peter was suppose to have worked a half day, but never showed up for work. It wasn’t a real busy day, but I did have to do a lot of lifting by myself.
Mary took me out to lunch and we caught up on our lives and bookstore gossip. I was glad to see her and to talk to her since I don’t get a chance to visit the bookstore anymore. I’m glad that she had a good time in Guam with her family and friends. She said that her parents are thinking about buying her a house in the city. I didn’t realize that she was rich, but that would explain her always having bank money with her.
She wanted me to go wit her to the movies, but I declined. Mary is nice and everything, but I just don’t feel like I would be good company at the movies tonight. I just want to stay in my room and be by myself. Which is what I shouldn’t be doing. **sigh**
So this weekend, I will probably stay cooped up in my room. I do have a party to go to on Sunday. It is Jade’s Birthday party, I have to be there to represent the Warehouse. I think that I will make an appearance and stay for an hour then drop out.
There is so much more that I should be saying right now, but I can’t….not yet…
Current mood: exhausted
Current music: Hum of the computer

Some Shall Be Pardon’d And Some Punished: For Never Was A Story Of More Woe Than This Of Juliet And Her Romeo.

So I decided to watch Shakespeare In Love tonight. I knew if I watched Thomas Crown Affair I would get depressed, because that is/was our movie. And although I’ve been on a Vampire kick with Anne Rice, watching Blade just wouldn’t have the effect that I was looking for. So I chose Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet has always been my favorite, I have always loved the story and the tragedy of it. And Shakespeare In Love has Gwyneth Paltrow in it, who I don’t necessary love or lust after, but she puts on a great performance. Now Joseph Fiennes, I do lust after. His eyes, OMG, I just love his eyes. I wish I could have eyes and looks like his.
But has I watched the movie, all I could do is think about her and just started crying. so I watched the last 30 min with tears streaming out of my eyes. I miss her so much. I know that I will never get over her. I don’t know if it will be like April, where I spent 3-4 years of my life crying over her. But like April, I will always have a place in my heart for her….
I don’t know how I can go on every day, carrying this pain and grief inside of me. Every morning when I wake up, I just want to stay and hide in my room all day. I don’t understand where I get the strength to get out of bed and to go to work. Maybe I think that at work, I can forget and pretend that my life is ok. But it isn’t; it is just an act that I put on for those around me and for myself….
I can’t do this tonight, I have to go…
Current mood: depressed
Current music: Sound of the heater in my room