I wonder what she is doing now…..
A 40-something rediscovering life in California
What I’m reading.
I wonder what she is doing now…..
Watched the season premier of La Femme Nikita. I just LOVE Pete Wilson. I mean….DAMN, just look at her. Randy and I have debates over which is better either Peta Wilson or Jeri Ryan (7 of 9 on Star Trek Voyager. She is also in Dracula 2000). I think while Jeri might have the better body, Peta has the voice and the additude. Actually, she did an online movie series called the Secret of Sex (I think) that is just wonderful. I think it was at IFilms.
Anyway, now I am bumming around on the net. I have Jars of Clay playing softly but I am really listening to the wind and the rain outside. I have to remember to dress warmly cause it will be cold at the warehouse. Also have to remember to put some chap stick on my lips cause they are peeling kinda bad…
Just reading some of the other journals out there. There are so many hurt people out there in Live Journal land. It’s kinda comforting, in a sick way I guess. To know that there are others who could somewhat relate to you. It’s also interesting to see what’s going on in other people’s life, good or bad. I doubt if I’ll post on any of them; I’m more of a loner who just uses this to record my own thoughts. Actually, I’m still afraid and just want to be alone in my small little corner in LJ land. If anybody has something to say to me, they can e-mail me. I am just not ready yet to deal with comments; not like I got tons of comments on my other journal.
There was a quote that I was going to post, but I forgot it. I should have wrote it down. but has usual, I let it slip out of my hands. **sigh** The story of my life, I guess.
Just looking at my icon. I really like it, even though I had to cut back on the colors to make it fit. I wish that maybe paid users could get just a little more room for their icon pics. I guess I shouldn’t complain since we get to have 10 pics, but I would love maybe 50 or 60k per pic. Anyway, Brad is a GOD!!!! and the rest of the LJ staff are DemiGODS!!!!
I spent way too much time on the computer this weekend. I feel bad in a way, but I know that this week I wont be on it much. I have to pack for the move and the computer will be in the shop anyway. And then the upcoming weekend is the wedding and unpacking at the new place. So I guess I can justify all of this computer time since there won’t be any next weekend.
Current mood: contemplative
Current music: Worlds Apart – Jars Of Clay
Got the refrigerator cleaned, wash dishes, have a paid account now, and got all of my hardware updated with patches and firmware. Cool. Now to fix some dinner and then tackle something else. I was going to cook spaghetti, but I think that I’ll wait until tomorrow. I’ll probably finish off the lunch meat and PB&J. I need to eat all of my food before I leave on Thursday/Friday. After dinner, maybe I’ll work on cleaning my computer; I got a lot of junk on it and I should do a cleaning before I sent the computer to the shop for repairs.
Current mood: accomplished
Current music: Watching news on NBC
I was hoping to get lucky and be able to sneak in, but no go. So off to rate more people at Am I Hot Or Not…
Randy has been on a cleaning spree today…I have to get some cleaning in so I don’t feel like a slacker. Too bad that he is staying here; he’s got to be one of the best roommates that I have had so far. I wonder if I will get a roommate like him, but I doubt it.
Current mood: bored
Current music: Watching Giants/Eagles game on FOX
I found this from an old English class and it sums up why I love to go to raves…
The door to my personal freedom was introduced to me in July of 1993. It was then that I experienced my first rave party. It was the beginning of a quest, a quest in which I had no idea what I would accomplish but I knew there was something to be found.
I remember walking down a strange alley to get to the location of the party. The party was behind a door that seemed to have just appeared out of nowhere. This entrance brought a whole new world. It wasn’t just a party, there was so much more to it. I escaped from my friends, who for some reason made me feel limited, and I began exploring. I became an observer, listening to people, watching the activities that went on. I wanted to understand this culture, I wanted to be part of it.
For the next few months I talked various friends into going to these parties for I lacked transportation. Each party brought me a little deeper into my quest. With each party came many realizations but it still wasn’t clear. They were just a bunch of random thoughts not unified by anything in particular.
Then one night I made a huge advancement, it was my first step to freedom. I realized that I was beginning to find myself. This was something that I was unable to do in all previous environments I had experienced. Until then I had been blocked by barriers within myself caused by the idea that I had to be a certain way to fit into society. In this scene I could be myself and be accepted no matter what. When you can be yourself you can begin to get to know yourself.
I continued to venture these parties. I was trying to understand this way of life. It’s not just an activity but a way of life. I became more and more into parties until it became my way of life.
Eventually the night came that made everything clear. I was at a very special party, the type of party that brings out the most amazing people and also brings out the best of people. It was a beautiful night, there was something very serene about this night. The energy among the people was entirely positive, I don’t remember one person without a smile. Everyone was full of life and there was a sparkle in every happy eye. I was surrounded by so many beautiful beings. At one point in the night I was sitting in a circle with about nine people who brought me much joy. There was presents being shared; blankets, lollipops, juice, and happiness. At that moment greed did not exist, no evil existed. No one lacked anything because others were ignoring the fact that they wanted more and they were making sacrifices for each other. Everyone was equal, everyone was accepted. All of these thoughts hit me at once and my body became overwhelmed with emotion. I was experiences complete bliss. I was free from all negativity, greed, and hate. This was a place of love, sharing, acceptance, and unity. This is what I had searched for in all those parties, I had been on a quest for bliss. After all the other parties I was always left unsatisfied but for the first time this night I was completely fulfilled.
I now realize that this was just one step into a never ending journey. I have occasionally re-lived these emotions at parties while on the dance floor. Dancing, moving freely, being whoever I want to be, and being surrounded by hundreds of others doing the same gives me this same feeling of liberty. Every experience like this is preparing me for the next segment of my bliss seeking journey and search for myself.
Current mood: contemplative
Current music: Watching Sumo Wrestling on ESPN2
Still waiting on Brad to change my paid acct. from my old acct to this one. I know that he’s busy with the new servers, so it will be awhile before he gets to my email. At least I’m moving up in his mail box; I was at 39, now I’m in the 20’s. I thought that I could pay for two acct, but I need to rein in the finances, so it will be better if I can transfer it.
Watching the Ravens/Titans game and downloading patches for my computer. Usually I wait until the night time, but today I just don’t care. Quetzal is gone for the day hopefully so maybe I’ll do some cleaning. I was suppose to go out and get a key made and get some tape, but the weather is so hazy outside, I just want to stay in and hide underneath the covers. I had planned on packing up stuff this weekend, but I think I’ll wait until Tuesday or Wednesday. I’ll take the computer to the shop this week to check out the sound card. What else can I do today? Maybe take some more pictures. I like the little animated GIF that I did for my icon. But I think I want to take some face shots; maybe post something on Am I Hot Or Not. I need to clean my face anyway to get it ready for the wedding. I can’t wait for that. It’ll be cool to be in Tahoe with my friends and to see two of them get married. They have been going out for 5-7 years now so they are ready. I just wished that they would have waited before getting pregnant. Speaking of pregnant, I wonder if Lesa and Kurt will be there? Probably not since Lesa is due this month. I think the shower was this weekend. Hmmm. Lesa and I have become so separated this last year, it’s really disappointing. But Mew and Amanda will be there with me and they are fun to have around. Carolina will also be there and it will be good to see her again. And of course there will be champagne and gambling. I’ll def. hit the slots and the blackjack tables. I might even hit the craps and roulette table if I’m feeling lucky. Depends on how much money I have going up there. **sigh** It usually comes down to money….
Current mood: calm
Current music: Watching the Ravens/Titans game on CBS
Guys are either really hot or really not; not too many in the middle
Girls tend to range in the middle more than guys…
Handicapped people are usually voted on the not side (Although there were two women that I gave 7-8 to and I can’t see why their scores are so low.)
Bad photos are def. voted lower, regardless if the person might look hot
If the more skin you show, the higher your score, regardless if your face is hot or not
Current mood: sleepy
Current music: DC Talk – Just Between You And Me
Horoscope (by astronet.com)
Exciting events await you in your social sphere and public life. You can join friends and partners to set in motion some powerful financial opportunities. Make an investment in a situation that will benefit all concerned. If your motivation is for the welfare of everyone, you can’t lose. You may have hit the jackpot with an expression of your talent, or your commitment to an entertainment project that is sure to win.
hmmm, doesn’t sound like anything that I had planned for later today
Just finish watching The Lost Boys and thinking of vampires. The dark angels of the night; The tragic heroes or villains of the big and small screens. I’ve always thought of myself has a vampire, or at least a vampire seeker. Wanting to find a real vampire to serve in hopes that one day I would be turned into one. Something to match the soul that I have. Well, I have enough of a hold on life that I would be pissed if I got turned right now. But still, to be able to get the power of a vampire. What kind of vampire would I be? Would I be a Keifer Sutherland/Lost Boys vampire, all punked out. What about the classic Bram Stroker’s Dracula? Maybe the mysterious romance of Anne Rice’s Vampire Lestat? I think that I would be more Armand or Louis than Lestat. How about something from Blade; maybe a half vampire like blade or a turned vampire like Deacon Frost. I got it; straight from Buffy the Vampire slayer, I could be like Spike or Angel. But Angel isn’t really a vampire, is he? Anyway, I wonder which vampire I would be. I would probably be a mix of Louis and Frost with a dash of Spike thrown in for good measure. I don’t know, I would probably be my own unique vampire.
Current mood: weird
Current music: 10,000 Maniacs – Eat Of Two