Daily Archives: October 4, 2000

Why do I let hate and rage build inside of me. I was doing O.K. until I started thinking about my history class. There is this guy in the class who used to work at the bookstore. He was a good person and I thought that we were friends, but he when behind my back and reported me. I didn’t do anything, and even if I did, nothing major would have happened (It’s all about the clout that you carry). ANyway, I was hurt that he was one of the people that told on me. So, we are in this class and he is talking to me like we are buddy buddy or something. It made me so mad, so I was walking to class thinking about where to sit so that I wouldn’t have to deal with him. And that basicly set the mood swing rolling. Of course, it turned quickly from hating Joran (the guy in my history class) to being frustrated at Suzanne regarding a conversation that we had last night. I have just been in a real bad mood today. At work it turns from hate to sadness and depression so of course what do I do but goto Taco Bell/KFC and gourge myself on chicken and taco’s (Why couldn’t I be one of those depress people that starve, I’m so fat) . So has I’m comning home,and I am almost in tears has I park the van. I try calling my family but no one’s home. I don’t want to call Suzanne at work cause….well, that’s another story. It’s not because of suzanne though. So I’m walking home and decide to goto the market and get some cheesecake (there’s a reason for that, I’ll go into it later.) to cheer me up. Has I’m checking out, my cell rings and it’s my mom. We talked for about 30min about everything. I didn’t really get into what was bothering me, but she didn’t really asked. We just talked, and it felt so good. It just reminds me how much i miss my family. So I’m home now with my peach soda and my cheescake. They are all good and stuff, but what I really want is to see suzanne and to have her hold me in her arms. I’m sure that would make me feel much better
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So the Ren Faire was fun. I was worried about Shawn being by himself and having to deal with Suzanne and I being luvvy duvvy to each other, but he seemed to have a good time. The wierdest thing about the faire was this was the first time that I didn’t run into or see anybody that I knew. The only person that I recognized was Brent at the Admission booth. Usually I see or recognize people working the booths or who are actors, but this year there was no one. Another sign that I’m getting old?
There were lots of people checking both Suzanne and I out. Most of the guys were checking Suzanne out, but I did get a few stares. Something about being a couple that makes both people look a little more beautiful or handsome.
I’m not a jealous guy, but……
….O.K. They have this royal feast where you get a full meal and entertainment. One of the entertainers just could not keep his hands off of Suzanne. Like he was giving her a massage and kept giving her one, and he forgot my food twice. I’m not jealous, just….hmmm, annoyed maybe. The fact that I’m still “annoyed” by it might mean that I was a little threatened. But i can’t really say anything since I was sticking dollars into the breast of the serving girls with my mouth. **sigh** I love the Ren Faire.
I bought stuff, but nothing really for me. I got Amber (my boss) this pewter fairy. I got Suzanne a small whip; one of them cat o’ nine tails. And got Terresa from work a wooden shot glass. I don’t know why I did that. It’s not like I’m ever going to get together with her or that we are ever going to be the friends that we once were. It was more out of habit, I guess. But I think that this will be the last shot glass that I get for her.
So I didn’t get anything for me. I’m surprised since I finally had money to buy a cloak this year. But I didn’t get it. I think this year I’m going to pass again, since I need to get the car fixed and fly up for Thanksgiving. Maybe next year. I think that I will get some bracers when I go back. Those will be cool to wear.
Overall it was a totally different experience than I expected to have. The plan was for a drunken raucous time with the guys, drinking our ale and mead, flirting with the blossoming whenches, and just being loud. But just being with Suzanne, walking around hand in hand, being able to hold and to touch each other, it was so much better in some ways, and I’m glad things worked out the way that they did.
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**sigh** I have been more tired than usual the last couple of days. I’ve also have just been lazy; too lazy to keep up my journal. Part of the problem is that I’m just tired, so that I’m not even on my computer has much. I sit at the desk and stuff, but ususally, I’m just listening to music and not actually doing any work or playing any games. I think part of the problem is that I am self-conscious about putting anything up that might offend Suzanne somehow. Now that I have her back, I don’t want to do anything or say anything that jepadize our relationship. Yet, if I try to censor myself, what is the point of the journal anyway. Well, I’m going to let that simmer for awhile and try to fill in the last two weeks.
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