I should be happy cause i’ve moved back to S.F., but this is a monday and heaven forbid that things would go right on a Monday. First of all, I still have no money. I was expcting my check to already be deposited into my account. But I just checked my account and I have no money in it. AARRRGGGHHH!!!!! Second, I decided to look at Suzanne’s journal. Big mistake. She tried killing herself last night or was cutting erself on purpose. she did this because I sent a mass email to everybody that I was moving. Well, she says it wasn’t cause of me, but still. Now what do I do. Do I call her and talk to her, but then start the whole cycle of us crying all over again. Or do I turn and walk away, dealing with my problems and letting her deal with her problems hoping that she is alive when we come back together to be friends.
She has this idea that i wouldn’t come to her funeral. I don’t know if I should be hurt or angered by that. I guess both. I am sorry that our relatonship didn’t work out. Maybe I did bail out of it instead of working it out. I totally take all responsibility for us breaking up. But I thought that she knew me better than this. I guess I was wrong. In some ways, she knows me so well, better than myself. But in some ways, she is a total stranger. The only way that I wouldn’t come to her funeral is because I had killed myself because of her. O.k. the boss is here and I nedd to clean up my tears.
Current mood: sad
A 40-something rediscovering life in California
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